{"id":285,"date":"2008-10-20T19:52:10","date_gmt":"2008-10-20T17:52:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fuzzy-fish.com\/wordpress-he\/?p=285"},"modified":"2008-12-20T17:17:15","modified_gmt":"2008-12-20T15:17:15","slug":"flee-the-light-of-holy-java","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.fuzzy-fish.com\/wordpress-he\/archives\/285","title":{"rendered":"Flee the Light of Holy Java"},"content":{"rendered":"
Flee the Light of Holy Java!<\/strong>
\n
\nInspired by a moment in the Mage campaign my brother was running — admittedly, it ended up differently (and also included a moment where the vampire told me his age in hexadecimal), but… well.
\nTune: "Glory Glory Hallelujah"<\/em><\/p>\n

I am but a simple programmer, with logic to my mind,
\nSo when I looked back as I walked, I never thought to find
\nA vampire a-stalkin' me, and closing up behind
\nTo come and suck my blood!
\nBut…
\nOn my Palm there's Holy Java,
\nGlory to the Holy Java,
\nWith the use of Holy Java
\nThe vampire will be mud!
\n
\nFor my eyes have seen the glory of the Holy Java's light,
\nSo high and white and blinding to my plain old mortal sight
\nThat a vampire who sees it must be overwhelmed with fright
\nAnd shortly run away!
\nI said…
\n"Flee the light of Holy Java!
\nFlee the light Holy Java…
\nFlee the light of Holy Java?"
\nAlas, the vampire stayed.<\/p>\n

The vampire so scornful said, "You thought that I would run?
\nTo scare me with this Java – pah! It isn't even Sun!
\nYou foolish mortal, you don't know your torment's just begun,
\nAnd Java's not that good."
\nSo…
\nI couldn't use the Holy Java,
\nWasn't helped by Holy Java,
\nAnd without the help of Holy Java —
\nHoly C! I'm vampire food!<\/p>\n

This was my final lesson, which I have arrived to teach
\nTo all ye schoolboy programmers, who Java's praises preach
\nDon't tell me, "Java's great and I'm not listening to your speach!"
\nFor I know more than you.
\nFor
\nI put my faith in Holy Java,
\nTrusted in the Holy Java,
\nAnd for all the grace of that damned Java —
\nI'm now a vampire, too.
\n
\nAnd let's not even mention Visual Basic, shall we?<\/em><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Flee the Light of Holy Java! Inspired by a moment in the Mage campaign my brother was running — admittedly, it ended up differently (and also included a moment where the vampire told me his age in hexadecimal), but… well. Tune: "Glory Glory Hallelujah" I am but a simple programmer, with logic to my mind, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[15,30,3],"tags":[8],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.fuzzy-fish.com\/wordpress-he\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/285"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.fuzzy-fish.com\/wordpress-he\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.fuzzy-fish.com\/wordpress-he\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.fuzzy-fish.com\/wordpress-he\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.fuzzy-fish.com\/wordpress-he\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=285"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.fuzzy-fish.com\/wordpress-he\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/285\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":459,"href":"http:\/\/www.fuzzy-fish.com\/wordpress-he\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/285\/revisions\/459"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.fuzzy-fish.com\/wordpress-he\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=285"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.fuzzy-fish.com\/wordpress-he\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=285"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.fuzzy-fish.com\/wordpress-he\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=285"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}