The last of the schlimazel team
by Tamir Buchshtav
based on "Last of Barrett's Privateers" by Stan Rogers

It was evening down in Eightgate town
HOW I WISH I WAS IN PORTWELL NOW!
A mission came from the priest of the sun,
To go to the scummiest part of town,

Chorus:
God damn them all!
I was told we’d pick a box that a merchant holds
We’d swing no swords, cast no spells
Now I’m a lonely bard in a run down inn,
The last of the schlimazel team

The merchant, he showed us the box,
HOW I WISH I WAS IN PORTWELL NOW!
The goods, he said, to us will pass,
For just 500 gold from us!

Chorus

Our warrior maid, she told him then
HOW I WISH I WAS IN PORTWELL NOW!
“Why don’t you just give it away?
We know you’ll mug us on our way.

Chorus

We took the box and went away
HOW I WISH I WAS IN PORTWELL NOW!
When on the alley just outside,
A bunch of thieves were want to hide,

Chorus

Our ranger he went up the wall,
HOW I WISH I WAS IN PORTWELL NOW!
But then he fell just halfway up,
And landed on the priestess’ rump.

Chorus

The paladin raised hammer high,
HOW I WISH I WAS IN PORTWELL NOW!
But he slipped on something best left unsaid,
And joined the ranger and the maid,

Chorus

And me? I jumped over the pile
HOW I WISH I WAS IN PORTWELL NOW!
A perfect leap right to the fight,
Then the wall I stabbed with all my might

Chorus

We somehow won the dreadful fight
HOW I WISH I WAS IN PORTWELL NOW!
We got the box to the temple’s gate,
But everyone heard of out fate!

Chorus