Fuzzy Fish

Lady, Box, Dog and Me
Tune: The Sick Note (or rather, "The Really Sick Note", by Tom Smith)

My friends, I sing this little song to tell a tale of woe
About a misadventure that I had a while ago
I've managed to recover, but I'm telling you the truth
To menace worlds is now a game of my forgotten youth

I was prowling in a station off a planet nice and free
I charmed a couple minions, took control of C&C
When in she walked, or should I say she made an enterance
I knew that if I played it right, I had the perfect chance

She had two hearts, she had odd clothes, her quips were ten a dime
It wasn't hard to figure who she traveled with through time
She looked around, her eyes met mine, I gave a little smile
But she smiled back, I should've known that this would take a while

To my surprise and joy, she'd had enough of teeth 'n curls
I did some tinkering with her drink, her world began to whirl
And so, the long and short of it (she didn't see her doom)
We went back to her ship to desecrate the Zero Room

We shared some witty banter, then we started giving eyes
She froze in place, her mind all mine, completely hypnotized
She mine, HIM gone, I hacked the frame and started on the log
And that's when I first noticed that the lady had a dog

That tin dog came in whirring, sounding worried and surprised
I tried to hypnotize him, but he hadn't any eyes
Then doggy saw his mistress too far gone to even scream
And said "alert", "alarm", and "halt", then used his lazer beam

I gave a yelp and leapt aside, the beam bounced off the wall
My shoe caught fire, my foot got stuck, I took a might fall
The tin dog sounded quite annoyed, he gave another shot
Before I got to dodge again, my pants were really hot

Now, lazers, fire and shrinking gun do not a good mix make
I found myself at two-feet height, and also somewhat baked
Shrunken, burnt and hurting – but friend, what's really bad
Was that this was the finest ploy that I have ever had…

I'm doing rather better since that deep-fried doggy bag
I'm just as tall as ever, found new velvet for the rags
But I've sworn off blonde Time Ladies with cute dog-shaped machines –
And now you know where the Master was before season eighteen.